This is off to a healthy start. Let’s skip the formalities and freudian inquisition of digging into my youth with myself for a moment and think about right now. Who am I, and what am I trying to achieve? Mmm. Hey you sexy content consumer you… you could probably ask yourself the same question. Who are you, and what are you trying to achieve? Have you already “made it?” Great for you if so. Then just sit back and laugh at my sadness and overall failure. For everyone else a little more confused about life, let’s see if you can laugh – and get a little value here.
“Stop yammering – tell me who you are, and what you want”
“Wait are you the prick, or the other guy?”
“It doesn’t matter… or both.”
The Deep Yearning For A Creative Life
Gentlemen, I’ll do most of the talking here. You need life content to analyze to see if we can help this poor sorry soul. I think I’m what you can call a “struggling wannabe creative person.” No matter how hard I try to shake it, I have this insane strong yearning to be a successful creative person. I want to write a song that more than ten people hear and maybe even want to hear again. I want to write a screenplay that actually becomes a movie instead of something else my wife says “I don’t get it, but good luck honey,” about. I want to make a living doing something creative that I love. If you’ve been out there trying to do anything in the creative world and be successful – then you know – it’s not bloody easy.
People always say all the clichéd dog crap too, like “you have to pay your dues” or “just look at Ricky Gervais, – you can do it” and “don’t forget the Good Will Hunting story.” Keep in mind, I really don’t give a flaming flying rip about being famous, that is not my objective. I simply want to spend my time doing something I’m passionate about and get paid to do it – instead of being stuck my whole life at some technology company regretting having never tried something else. Never having tried would be the ultimate failure. That’s the proverbial rub. I can’t think of a time when I haven’t been trying.
It’s a tricky situation because as confident as you try to be about it, there comes a point when you have spent so much time trying to make it with creative projects that naturally you have to ask – “Maybe I have this drive to do creative stuff because I am a genetically built stupid person.” I desire and burn to be creatively successful, but all of my ideas and work must blow pretty hard since nothing is taking off.
All I can see is failure after failure. Thus I am setting myself up and I get to spend my entire life being a stupid person failing over and over again. Then Batman’s dad comes repelling down the cave yet again and tells me, “Wes, what do we do when we fall?” In my version I punch him in the face and say – “Dad I just broke my arse down here and I’m covered in bat juices, get me out here – you can inspire me later.”
“Fine – but who are you and what are you trying to achieve?”
“I know for sure now, you are the prick”
That’s right, I just made a new word as a classification for my type of person: The person who has almost done a lot of cool stuff. We can be almost funny, almost in shape, almost financially sound, almost off caffeine, and almost successful together. Either way, one thing is for sure: Jimmy Buffet sang about some serious crap.
(I am not currently partaking in any form drug or alcohol consumption if you were curious. There will be moments in this self therapy session, moments when I am getting really close to the feelings of the past. The feeling of failure. So, I then spout out random, and almost positively the stupidest comments you have ever heard. It must be some form of mechanism I have created in order to avoid digging into my true feelings. Instead I can say “Jimmy Buffet.” Then I will giggle a little.. you will flip me off…I will giggle…and we can just keep going around like that. Party.)
The Danger of Labels
Whoa what was all that? Here’s the thing. Labels are very dangerous. If you tell yourself something long enough it will manifest itself. Period. We humans are so incredibly and infinitely complex and amazing. We try and sum up who we are or what we are experiencing into words, but those words will never in a million freaking years truly explain our awesomeness or our weaknesses. NEVER.
For years this was the message I told myself. That I’ve almost done cool stuff. That I am nothing more than a failure. And guess what?! If that’s all I tell myself – that’s all my life will ever be. Funny enough, if you really look in-between the lines at the things I’ve almost done – there are plenty of accomplishments and cool moments, but I was too blind to see them or feel them. So please please, and I say this to myself as much as anyone else, please don’t attach crappy labels to yourself.
Maybe you really do have a chemical imbalance that leads to depression. So, the label of depression makes sense. Even then, if all you do is tell yourself you’re a depressed person – thats you’ll get. Even the most chemically imbalanced person has amazing personality traits and value to give the world. We are all much more than some dumb label, and we are not our freaking past.
With that said, let’s keep making fun of me and my past. Haha! And we will, next time.
Financial Health
For today – lets wrap up talking a little bit about money. Last episode/post I vowed to not cut my hair until I make 1 million dollars. I’ve had the chance to run this by a few people now, and the responses have been hilarious.
First, my wife’s reaction only confirmed my major realization that she’s not in this thing for my looks. She even started joking around the funny things we could do with it when it’s really long. So, theory double confirmed. Haha. Others have laughed out loud, said I was crazy, or even warned me that the odds of me making that kind of money are not high. I’ll be inviting those nay sayers to the barber on the big day. I still to need to tell my mom I just realized. Her responses are usually pretty classic, so stay tuned for that one.
One thing I need to make clear is how I feel about money. The best way to explain it is to give you a paragraph I wrote on my life plan. Yes I have a life plan, and if you don’t – I gotta give it a heavy plug. You can’t get jack done without at least a little of an idea of where your priorities fall. Here it is:
Financial Health: There is zero priority to be rich for the sake of being rich. All worldly wealth will fade away and provides no true happiness or meaning. However, with my extremely poor childhood, I am motivated to pursue wealth. I will become financially independent to enable me to help others and provide freedom to pursue more meaning with my passions in music, writing, and film. Be smart, don’t waste excessive amounts of time on mindless tasks. Being financially independent will take calculated and consistent efforts. I know I can do it. Read and learn to better understand what it will take.
Not bad right? I’m not tooting my own horn, but toot. For me – this is the perfect way to think about money. In the past decade the number of very wealthy people that have killed themselves is staggering.
Pshhh money! It is useless crap unless you have the right mindset with it.
So, goodbye Professional Almoster. That was you in the past and that’s not me anymore. I am an I Will Thriver. I am not defined as a failure as I will keep fighting regardless of the past and whatever obstacles come my way.
VIDEO version of this episode HERE
PODCAST version of this episode HERE
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