A Miracle Baby
I was born in Colorado Springs, Colorado. I’m an only child. I wasn’t supposed to be born as the doctors had told my mom she was sterile after her previous 5 years of chemotherapy, radiation, and multiple other nasty procedures. Poor gal has been sick her entire adult life starting at 18. But, the universe wanted me here so I could fail a whole bunch and tell you about it. That’s why to this day – whether at a grocery store, a restaurant, or a doctors office my mom still calls me her “Miracle Baby.” I hope all those complete strangers remember how miraculous I am and how I’m destined for creative success.
As I dig into some of my past, let me be clear – I seek no sympathy here. I don’t need any “Oh that poor Wes child.” I simply want you to know where I am coming from as I elaborate in my self-therapy session of letdowns and fails.
Don’t Call Me Walter
The first let down of my life was really my parent’s fault. They named me Walter. I know there are plenty of non-nerdy and maybe even cool guys named Walter – but all I see is the air purifying stuffy nosed boring nerd guy Walter, played by Bill Pullman in Sleepless in Seattle. We all know what happened to him. Who wants Walter when you could have Sam Baldwin (Tom Hanks)? Solely the fact that my first name is Walter isn’t really a big deal I guess.
However being legally named Walter, and then having no one on earth call me that, set me up in a complete cluster confusion from day 1 of my existence. They’ve never called me Walter. They named me Walter, but only called me Wes. Haha. When I go to the doctor or the airport and they use legal names, I’m that annoying guy they’ve called 15 times before they realize it was them. I deem that a pretty major fail on my parents behalf. Way to go guys. My parents divorced when I was 4, and my mom moved 9 hours away to Utah. I had a somewhat troubled youth dealing with some hardcore (if you thought I was going to say porn, then you’re wrong, but we just learned something about you didn’t we…) poverty, abuse, my mother’s illness, ect.
Suck It Little Downer
My circumstances did not foster a good sense of self-confidence. I grew up hoping I could make something out of myself, but thinking the reality was I would not amount to anything too amazing. I seriously doubted that any woman would ever love me. At least with my assumption about women – I can tell my poor inner little boy self to go suck it. I have an amazing wife, and she’s a dancer. Doesn’t get much better than that. I’m pretty sure she loves me too. With the rest of my life though… well I took on the title of almoster. I dub thee myself Lord Duke of Anti Creative Success.
I think the little insecure boy is still there inside of me saying “You might as well stop trying. You are an unconnected, poor, overweight, silly faced fool. Just go get some boring job that you will be miserable with and provide for your family, because they are the only good things you have going on.” Then the older and a bit more confident me punches that little boy in the face and leaves him in the bat cave… most of the time.
I hung out in that cave and bought a few pizzas with that downer of a little boy for a few days after John Cleese backed out of my project, and when Bill Murray basically told me to bugger off, and when pretty much every creative project I touched tanked miserably (this is definitely how my past self felt, what a flippin cry baby ) – but more on all of that later.
Growing up it seemed like I rarely met another kid like me. All the other kids seemed to live in nice houses; several even had insanely nice cabins in Sundance or Park City. The tiny apartment my mom and I lived in would fit inside of the bathrooms of those places. I was never terribly bitter about the situation though. I just figured this was life, and my station in life was to be poor and not extremely useful.
It wasn’t until High School when a kid pounded on our apartment door in the middle of a winter night without any shoes on – that I really started understanding that there is always someone in a much worse situation than you. We were acquaintances from school, but I had no idea how rough his life was. His mom got home plastered out of her mind that night and started beating him up.
He didn’t want to fight back and didn’t know what to do. He could have taken her too, big dude. So he ran to my apartment a few blocks away. I remember my mom hugging him and seeing him cry like a little baby. I knew then that having a loving mother was way more important than all the fancy houses and cabins in the world – my mom was awesome.
What Are You Good At? Are You Happy?
So much of life can be spent just trying to figure out who in the love we are, what we are good at, and what we would be happy doing for the rest of our lives. I have countless examples of friends still trying to figure life out. Many of them struggle with their creative desires mixed with the need to be practical and actually make money – just like myself.
My longtime childhood friend is Cam Kendell. We became home slices very soon after I arrived in Utah. We were both only 4 years old! Cam is the most talented artist/illustrator I know of. He had the courage to quit his day job and start his own thing from his house doing freelance work and his own projects. He’s extremely talented. But, it has been a long hard road at times to provide for his four kids and wife. Countless times I have seen situations like Cam’s. Pure talent does not equate creative success. The dude has pure talent. Personally I think it’s a joke when people say that people like Cam must not be working hard enough when they struggle financially.
Working hard and long in the creative world does not equate success. Success can be an extremely subjective term I realize, so for now to avoid a big philosophical discussion about success – let’s just define it as being able to live off a passion/talent. I remember thinking before Cam became successful, that his art was far better than many other successful illustrators. But my opinion didn’t buy his kids food.
Living in Utah is a very interesting place to be as a creative almoster. I try very hard not to be jealous of other people’s creative success, but let’s face it – I have at one point or another secretly hated Neon Trees, Imagine Dragons, Stephanie Meyers, and countless other crazy successful creative people that have some roots in this area. The lady drummer from Neon Trees lives down the street from me. I played shows with them back in the day.
Imagine Dragons won the battle of the bands at Brigham Young University before they struck it big and spread radioactivity around the world – the school is ten minutes away from my house. Stephanie Meyers graduated from the same school before she started writing about sparkly vampire chests and imprinting on people. The guys who made that Real Life Fruit Ninja music video that has over 30 million views at the moment on youtube – live across the street from me. And tons of other Youtubers!
Crazy successful fantasy writer Brandon Sanderson is an acquaintance of mine, and he lives here too! Haha, in fact we had a quick chat at Outback Steakhouse the other day upon bumping into each other. Ushers manager and the couple who made Napoleon Dynamite are close as well. Finally for some crazy reason, Post Malone has his home base in Utah! I could keep on going and going to fill this entire book with examples of really successful creative people around me. Maybe it’s like this everywhere, but I don’t think so. You would expect this in New York, or Hollywood due to the numbers of people doing creative things in those locations – but Utah?
What are those Mormons putting in the water? They must have jacked up the batch going to my house because no creative success here (I’d tell myself). Naturally I’d ask – why haven’t any of my scum sucking ideas taken off? Could it be that I am genetically stupid and unable to produce quality creative work that others appreciate? I had a terrible haircut once that made me look exactly like K.D. Lang… tripped me out man.
Stop the Negatively Charged Questions
It’s a common pop psychology subject to stop comparing ourselves to others. Yet, many of us still have that problem. Worse and more prevalent are the straight up lies and ill constructed inquisitions we put on ourselves. Have you ever asked yourself those same kinds of horrible questions? Basically asking – Why do I suck?
It’s taken awhile to shake, but those negatively charged questions only bring negativity back to me in return. They’ve got to go! Which is exactly why I am here now on this journey. I have to drastically change my thinking patterns. I can’t allow myself ask those questions anymore. Let’s personal power pact to stop lying to ourselves about ourselves. All I’m saying these days is “I Will Thrive”. I will no longer allow the lies and the crappy questions. There’s no limitations to what I can achieve. I don’t know what I’ll have to confront to get there – but I’m positive I will get there!
This also allows me to find joy in the creative success of other creative people around me. Like Cam! One important lesson to learn from him is consistency and resiliency. He always found a way to keep moving. He knew what we wanted to do, and he felt like it was what he was supposed to to. His art got better and better, and as he consistently put it out on social media, people noticed. As such, he has now grown a pretty killer following. He also typically has backlog of work months and months into the future. He is about to release a book with New York Times best seller. Pretty inspiring man. Thanks. I just high fived you in the air. Time for me to learn and act from your example.
So, what did Mormons put in the water? Nothing. Well, except for people… you know the whole baptism thing.
VIDEO version of this episode HERE
PODCAST version of this episode HERE
